Maintaining relationships has become more than complex in today’s lives.
Many times, a relationship becomes toxic due to the behavior of an individual or both the people in a relationship. Toxic relationships can look different to each person.
For some, it is toxic when a partner tries to put restrictions on them. Whereas, for others, it is being manipulated or subject to physical, mental, or emotional abuse. Generally, a relationship becomes toxic when one or both parties exhibit unhealthy behaviors that lead to feeling isolated, unsupported, misunderstood, distrustful, mentally exhausted, etc.
So, what to do now?
People usually think they should leave toxic relationships altogether. Some people think otherwise, because according to them if they love and are committed to each other, they should try to solve the problems and misunderstandings between them. These people realize that toxic mindsets and behaviors create toxic relationships.
Quick Tip – It is possible to repair toxic dynamics with deliberate time, effort, and self-awareness. To advance, however, both parties must be ready to adapt and accept responsibilities, leading to a revival of healthy relationships.
Note – Some people are unaware of their toxic behaviors. Many times, awareness and effort can bring positive change. This is not always the case, however. If the dynamic is intrinsically toxic and not improving, moving on is the best option.
Here are 7 ways you can convert a toxic relationship into a healthy one
1. Before you begin, find out if you can improve the relationship
Fixing a toxic dynamic is not a one-person job; both parties should work and make equal and consistent efforts to fix it.
Here are some things you should consider –
- Efforts, care, and love of another person
- Things that have changed that have led to this point
- What is your vision as a couple?
- Do you really want to be in a relationship?
- Have you tried making efforts to improve the relationship?
- Hear your inner voice.
After contemplating all the above things, you should have your answer about whether to save your relationship or not.
2. Invest in yourself and give your relationship a bit of space
In order to solve misunderstandings and alter a toxic relationship into a happier one, one should be ready to accept the way they are. Therefore, individuals should start investing in themselves by developing qualities such as acceptance, understanding, trust, and patience required for an ideal relationship.
Take some time to think and ask for the space (if you feel it) and invest in yourself, your hobbies, and your interests, spend time with your family and friends, study, watch Netflix, join a yoga class or gym, read books and anything and everything that interests you.
It gives you some time to think about your relationship, what makes you happy, and whether you still remember the other person while doing your favorite activities.
Spending time with yourself and doing your favorite activities will make you aware of many things and help you make the right decision.
When people cut off contact with their partners, both the individuals of a relationship get some time to think about the situation and how they should tackle it so that the relationship could alter to a happier phase from a toxic one.
3. Seek help from a professional relationship consultant
One sign of a toxic relationship is when one or both parties have negative self-esteem when around one another. Being around them doesn’t seem steady; instead, it makes you feel as though you’re constantly trying to improve to feel good enough. You have become devoid of healthy love, sincere feelings, comfort, or nourishing romance.
If you’ve reached this point in your relationship, things have deteriorated to the point that you may need to bring in a mental health expert to provide perspective. A specialist will listen to your difficulties, comprehend them, and then suggest the best solutions. For better communication and connection, couples must adopt new, healthier cycles.
4. Identify the problem
As we discussed, acceptance plays a pivotal role in turning a toxic relationship into a healthier one. In order to accept something, an individual should first be aware of it.
If both people in a relationship are unaware of the problem, it is nearly impossible to accept it and figure out how to deal with it. “You can’t heal what you don’t reveal.” Often, due to this particular mistake, a relationship cannot transform into a stronger, deeper, healthier one.
Once you start observing things, you’ll be able to figure out what the actual problem is, and you can make improvements accordingly. Moving further, both partners should try to communicate, make constant efforts to give your partner what he or she needs, not repeat the same actions that are deteriorating the relationship, and keep building a better and more respectful relationship.
5. A shift from blaming to understanding
In a relationship, when one person refuses to be accountable for their mistakes and blames their actions on the other person, that relationship will never last long. Such a relationship would either end or will become a toxic one. Either way, both people might suffer from the misery and the consequences.
So, in order to have a lasting and happy relationship, it is better to understand the situation, be accountable for your mistakes and actions, understand your partner, and give each other their time and space.
This mandatory shift to being responsible and accountable for your mistakes, words, and actions would surely mend your toxic relationship leading to a healthier one.
6. Don’t let the past affect your present & future
The past plays a vital role in the current state of a relationship and it affects our relationship (if we let it). As the events that took place in the past get stuck in our minds, these events are replayed automatically in our minds, and those painful memories drive our actions and words.
Because people let those emotions of the past control actions of the present, they end up transforming their happy and healthy relationships into toxic ones. Therefore, it is undeniable that if an individual wants to transform their relationship into a healthier one, then they are supposed to let go of the events of the past.
Since one cannot live the past and the present simultaneously, regardless of what the event was or when it took place, both people have to forgive each other and move on in order to have a healthy relationship.
Forgiving and forgetting those dreadful events will ultimately result in the conversion of a toxic relationship into a happier and healthier one.
7. Normalize finding comfort in uncomfortable conversations
Having conversations that make both individuals in a relationship uncomfortable is a part of having a healthy relationship. If you cannot have such conversations with your partner, your relationship will ultimately fail.
As soon as people start disclosing some hard-to-accept facts about themselves and find out that the person, on the other hand, is putting tremendous efforts to accept them and maintain that discomforting conversation, it brings them closer, and it turns out to be effective for your relationship.
Having uncomfortable conversations with someone with whom you share a happy phase of your life results in more comfort and understanding, which can directly help detoxify a relationship.
8. Be compassionate towards your partner
Blaming your partner for any of the problems you’re facing and behaving rudely towards them will deteriorate your relationship and make it toxic.
In order to avoid this, practice being compassionate towards your partner. Show some care and concern towards them, regardless of the problems you’re facing at the time.
Doing so will make them think that you actually care about them because you do not let your problems come in between your relationship.
Being compassionate towards your partner would make them feel loved and important, resulting in reduced misunderstandings and cold wars. And ultimately, result in the detoxification of your relationship.
Some people genuinely possess genuine feelings for one another. But, still, just because of misunderstandings and hurt, they end up separating or having a toxic relationship which could really affect the mental state of both the people included in that particular relationship.
You don’t have to watch while your relationship with your partner breaks down because of toxic behavior patterns that can chip away at its foundation.
So, you have three options if you find your relationship in an unhealthy state:
- Stay there and put up with the unhealthy surroundings. (You shouldn’t really do this.)
- Sever the connection and avoid communicating with the other person at all costs. (For most people, this may be their only choice.)
- Take the necessary actions to transform the dynamics from poisonous to healthy.
When you and your mate desire to make a change, you can work to pinpoint the root causes of relationship toxicity and look into kind, healthy communication methods and problem-solving methods.
The third choice is typically the best but requires a lot of work. I hope you both turn out to be happy and better people in the long run.
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