Every person wants to belong in some way. When we are born, we are placed into the arms of the ones who love us most. In that instant, we automatically belong. As we grow, we connect with those outside of our immediate family through school, sports, work, or other activities.
But there are times when you just don’t “click” with others. Maybe you have not found a person with the same vibe. There is no formula to determine whether you would belong somewhere or not. Still, here are some possible reasons that the feeling of belonging somewhere seems so elusive.
The reason you do not belong is that your perspective of the world is different from your peers. This may be because your views are wiser, more unique, or more mature so you find it hard to become one with a group. You may have strong views and want to stand by them, putting you in opposition with others.
Psychologists and psychiatrists analyze negative childhood experiences to understand negative thoughts in adults. The early years shape a person and make them who they are.
Children get a sense of belonging from their families, so having a stable home and unconditional love during the formative years is important. Trauma during childhood and adverse experiences can leave indelible marks on one’s self-worth and perception of relationships.
Those affected by childhood trauma may grow into adults who subconsciously believe that they cannot get close to anyone because they can’t depend on them.
People often evolve and change over time, so your sense of belonging to the people you knew before may vanish. As you change, things you once felt comfortable with no longer satisfy you.
You may drift away from childhood friendships that lasted for years because you do not find conversations with them meaningful anymore.
This is simply a sign that you grew up and no longer belong in that old place.
Your ambitions may stop you from belonging to a certain clique. If you are always planning your next move, it is hard to be surrounded by people who don’t plan for the future.
Ambitious people cannot stay around stagnant people for long before they begin to disconnect; you need people in your life who want to help you sharpen your wit and your skills.
Clear communication of your thoughts and feelings is a good way to feel welcome and accepted. The problem may be that you are unable to articulate your innermost desires, passions, and thoughts in a concise and clear way to those around you.
If you want people to receive you, you must learn to express your wants and needs clearly. Think about what you want to say and practice, practice, practice!
It is easy to feel alienated when you are with people with lower mental capacity. Simply being smarter does not make you better than those near you. This however makes connecting with them more difficult because it may involve lowering yourself to their level to communicate.
This creates a mental barrier that stops you from being your natural self in their company. The smartest one in a room is often in the wrong room. You want to be in the company of people that add value, teach, surprise, and help you to improve.
Hearing and listening are two different things. When you listen, you are making an effort to understand the speaker’s point of view. You are not simply waiting to speak.
Staying around people who don’t listen can make you feel unheard or misunderstood. It works the other way as well. So if you feel like you don’t belong, observe how well you listen and how well others listen to you.
If you have strong political or religious beliefs, it may be hard for you to spend long periods of time around those with opposing beliefs. However, you can still be close with them if your personal values align.
Personal values affect the way you interact with the world. So think of your values and views. You may be comfortable with people that challenge you to evolve or those that are happy where they are. If your values do not align, you don’t belong. Don’t force it.
The feelings of stagnation often go together with a sense of loneliness and isolation. Anything from a passionless relationship to a job that does not fulfill you can make you feel stuck.
You might want to break free by taking up a hobby, making some career change, going on a trip, or traveling abroad. You want to breathe free and break the monotony of your life.
Personality collision makes it hard to get along with a person because it seems that the ego always gets between you. Strong individuals in a group make this a common problem.
Everyone thinks that they do not belong at some point. The important thing is to cope with such feelings and learn ways to improve the situation. This way, you eventually find a group that cultivates you and provides a sense of community that you have always desired.
Such a feeling is important for contentment and happiness just like feeling needed, wanted, or a sense of accomplishment in life. Understanding the reasons why you feel the way you do is the first step to finding solutions.
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