Often, do you feel that people treat you like a gopher, walking all over you? If you nod in affirmation, how can you stop this ridiculous behaviour? Read on to find out how to stop being a doormat. It sucks to be treated like a doormat! It can occur due to no fault of your own and get severe if you don’t attend to it. So, what is doormat psychology?
A doormat lies still and flat, passively gets stepped on. Does it sound a lot like you?
A doormat cannot say “no” to anyone whether at home or at work; hence, all kinds of jobs are thrown at you and you do it quietly without complaining but suffer mentally and emotionally. For instance, you hope that your boss gives you a raise and so you work harder and harder, but eventually you see that promotion going to your colleagues. Now that hurts, doesn’t it? So, how do you stop being a doormat and get respected? How to build a strong personality? Here are a few tips that you can use.
1) Say “no” Sometimes
Often, people in relationships think that it is hard to win over their partner if they resist their demands, and they fear they might lose them forever. On the contrary, if your partner respects you, he or she will be willing to wait for you to finish your professional, social tasks, or home chores. Learn to say “no” and stand your ground if you want to earn their respect, and keep them forever.
2) Stop Being a People Pleaser
The act of doing things for others is good unless you do it to seek validation. Pleasing people is no crime unless you are not careful with your feelings. We do deeds to see the happiness on people’s faces, and a kind word in return. What if they take advantage of your goodness and only return it when they need you again? That is not a healthy dynamic. Do you know, being a people-pleaser is not a healthy way to feel good about yourself? Rather, it damages your self-respect. So, learn to be generous to yourself and eliminate people who don’t value you.
3) Learn to Recognize and Handle Opportunists
Doormat attitude develops from fear of rejection. An opportunist would easily recognize your fear and play on it to victimize you. They would threaten to leave you if you don’t submit to their demands. Now, do you want to experience such stress when you have other important things going on in your life?
So, take a stand and learn to let go of your fears. Once you do that, you will find yourself confident and brave enough to confront the person who’s trying to take advantage of your goodness. Remember, the more you fear, the more you let the opportunist win over you and satisfy their insecurities.
To overcome the doormat mindset, you need to win over your fears. To win over your fears, ask yourself the best and worst possible scenarios, and you will find, it’s not that bad after all. Your happy self will thank you for this.
To improve your self-respect, surround yourself with people who are positive and encouraging, emulate the behaviour of confident people, learn to comprehend the mind games played by an opportunist, and protect yourself.
4) Confidence is Important
If you have allowed people to walk all over you, it’s because you are not assertive. You may even feel powerless, but all of us are gifted with natural confidence, and all you must do is recognize and apply it; soon you will notice the change.
Natural confidence stems from the fact that you trust your abilities. Hence, when you apply it to a new situation, you can easily operate out of your confidence zone and win it over. For instance, your abilities allow you to complete home chores of cooking, cleaning, washing easily, and so your professional skills enable you to win awards. So, apply the same natural confidence to meeting a new person and you will enjoy yourself immensely.
5) Establish Boundaries
No one can read your mind; no one knows your desires and needs. Not your partner nor your family. Be honest and open with them, share your beliefs and ideas with them as much as you can. Let them know if you don’t like something, be vocal about your thoughts and convey your message in a way that they understand properly. It will help you establish healthy boundaries with them, and they would appreciate it. If they continue to treat you like a doormat despite your boundary settings, then maybe you should consider staying away from their toxicity.
6) Educate Them
To teach people how to treat you, do so by responding to someone who shows acceptable behaviour towards you. If you lie still like the doormat and allow them to mishandle you, they will never recognize your importance and always treat you badly. You cannot teach them how you desire to be treated through subtle behaviour. Be forward!
7) Realize Their Psychology
Mind games and tricks only lead to sadness. Hence, it’s important for you to recognize people who play this game with you. They can be friends, family members, colleagues, or a mentor, who may instil fear in you through their threatening words or actions. However, when you stand your ground courageously, you will notice them backing away.
Want to be treated with respect? Act on your confidence and refuse to give control of your life to others. Soon you will realize how easy it was to regain your independence and self-esteem.
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